Notice in Swiss Hotel - We have nice bath and are very good in bed.
In Czechoslovakia - Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We garantee no miscarriages.
In Thailand (offering donkey rides) - Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In Bucharest, Romania - The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In hotel cloakroom in Berlin, Germany - Please hang yourself here.
In Italian hotel -If service is required, give two strokes to the maid and three to the waiter.
In Las Palmas - If you telephone for room service you will get the answer you deserve.
In Seoul - Measles not included in room charge.
In Austria - Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
In Athens - Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
In Japan - Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited.
In Torremolinos - We highly recommend the hotel tart.
In London, UK - All fire extinguishers must be examined at least five days before any fire.
In Nairobi, Kenya - Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In Japan -You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In Ankara - You are invite to visit our restaurant where you can eat the Middle East Foods in a European ambulance.
In Tokyo - In case of earthquake, use the torch to pass yourself out.
In Acapulco - The Manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In Madrid - If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, cry out for the chambermaid.
From Lost in Translation - Misadventures in English Abroad by Charlie Croker