Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Silly Talk

Walk

Now that my Mother has retired and is finding it hard to come to terms with her new situation and all the extra time she has to fill with something meaningful, I find myself assailed by regret. Regret that there was a moment seven years ago when I just couldn't cope and let myself fall ill; regret that I quit my well paying job and steady career; regret that I moved country in an attempt to start from scratch, so far away from her; regret that I took away the only grandchildren she has, whom she adores and misses so much. Now would be the time for her to dote on them, teach them all the wonderful things that only grandmothers can. Now would be the time for me to be there for her. Now would be the time to do the things we never could for lack of time.

“Silly talk,” my Mom’s strong as steel pragmatic streak will make her think when she reads this. “What’s done is done and there should be no looking back. Your life is there now, mine is here and c’est la vie... It’s not as if we don’t talk to each other every single day... Or get the whole family together around a big table several times a year. What's done is done.”

But I know she feels differently. My regrets are also hers.

8 comments:

Ruth said...

Ohhh.

rauf said...

i needed some time to think

i had to recollect what i wrote in Environment posts.

Women are far more adjusting to the situation than men. And women adapt to alien conditions much faster.
And receive no thanks for the sacrifices they make.

You would only be ruining your day by thinking of your mom. Perhaps she is far more understanding than you are, which you admit.

there is lot more misery in the world Claudia. You are in a happy situation. more over you've got Gordon Brown living there, you should be jumping with joy.

rauf said...

owee ! you've got 'serendipity' here in the music box. song 'moonlight kiss' i loved the movie Claudia. pretty silly it was. i love silly films and kate Beckinsale and her blade sharp brit accent.

Trulyfool said...

Claudia,

We're on the cusp of retirement, and have been thinking of moving closer to our adult daughter who's started a career in Los Angeles.

Visiting her this summer, we found out (for the first time!) that she may not want to remain there (New York being another film spot for her productions), and -- golly! -- wouldn't want the anxiety of having to stay in one place despite her love for us.

Well! I don't get no respect!

Actually, I've always lived at the edge of 'aloneness' anyway, talking to myself if any passer-by might take the time to notice, so I could create an imaginative history of her current life if I'm too far away to physically be part of it.

Love is imagination, Claudia. She's there in your heart, and you're in hers. That doesn't change with geography.

TFool ('of a certain age')

Claudia said...

Ruth, yep.

rauf, I can't say I'm not happy (although Gordon Brown is nowhere to be seen, thank goodness...) and I believe that only tension and trouble can come from not pursuing something you know is right for you for the supposed sake of others.

Claudia said...

rauf, Serendipity was on TV a couple of nights ago. It's a silly film but I like it a lot as well. I'm a huge John Cusack fan.

Claudia said...

Trulyfool,

That last line in your comment is lovely and did me a world of good. Thanks.

Remember Shirley MacLaine and Debra Winger in Terms of Endearment? Sometimes I think my mom and I are a lot like that.

Mãe said...

É tão bom voltar a ler estes textos! O que escreveste é lindo e os comentários que os teus leitores fazem também me comovem. Agora que olhamos para trás e vemos como a vida nos foi trocando
dvoldas voltas...